


Learning How To Breath Again (It's Harder Than It Looks)

by I_just_want_to_read_and_write



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, Post canon, Professional Exy (All For The Game), Soft Andrew Minyard, andrew finds his passion and expands his family along the way, andrew is a secret theator gay, my baby boy gets to heal, twin therapy, twinyard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:31:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_just_want_to_read_and_write/pseuds/I_just_want_to_read_and_write
Summary: In which Andrew finds his passion (Spoiler: it's not exy), learns to talk to his brother, falls even more in hate with Neil, makes friends with the people he thought would be nothing more than nuisances and heals.





	Learning How To Breath Again (It's Harder Than It Looks)

**Author's Note:**

> I really love this series so much and I have so many thoughts and ideas.  
> most of all I just want my baby Andrew to be actually truly happy. please lord give me that.

All of the Foxes had piled into Andrew's dorm room the minute they got back from their end of year break at Nicky's invitation. Apparently the fact that he no longer lived here was irrelevant. 

He had invited them for a 'special movie night' of which he'd only told them what that meant when Andrew and Aaron were already trapped in the room. Aaron had brought his little girlfriend.

Apparently, Nicky had found a bunch of old tapes from when he had first adopted them and wanted to show the rest of the foxes the 'heart warming videos of when they were still baby cheeked.'

This inspired enthusiasm and a lot of bets in the time Nicky spent looking in a box he had brought with him.

Andrew resisted the urge to tap his foot to the song Nicky was singing as he looked, if only not to encourage him in making incessant noise. "Ah huh!" Nicky shouts when he finds the box of old tapes.

Andrew doesn't care, though Aaron is blushing and fidgeting like he was hoping they wouldn't be found. Probably doesn't want his precious girlfriend seeing the real him.

Kaitlyn is laughing at something Allison said and it's like nails on a chalk board. Andrew looks to Neil; he's sitting quietly against him, watching what Nicky is doing attentively. He's actually interested in what he's about to watch, unlike when the foxes try to get him to watch the Disney movies he's missed over the years.  
The start of the video is of Nicky talking as if its Erik, Nicky explaining that he’d been sending these to Erik while he was away.

Matthew grins, "Well, I hope this stays PG."

Nicky just winks. Aaron makes a disgusted face but says nothing.

On the tv a seventeen year old Aaron is studying on the kitchen bench with text books all around him. When he notices Nicky with the camera he flips him off.

“Hey now, is that anyway to treat your new daddy?” Nicky chirps.

“Fuck off, Nicky," Aaron doesn't even look up from his papers.

“How’s school going?” Nicky continues, voice now a little strained.

“Unless you’re going to do my Germen homework for me, fuck off and let me study.”

“Okay, okay,” he turns the camera back on himself, looking a bit frustrated, “Teens am I right? When we have kids we’re going to have to deal with so much attitude with your smarts and my sass- oh speaking of attitude, Andrew! What’s up, how’s school?”

In the frame is a slightly younger Andrew walking past Nicky to the fridge as if he weren’t there and completely ignoring his questions. 

“Hey!” Aaron said, out of sight, “Pass me a coke.”

“No," comes from the fridge with no inflection in his voice.

“Andrew, why are you such an asshole?”

“Hey, now-” Nicky tries.

“I don't know, Aaron, why are you failing biology?”

Aaron’s face flushed, “Not everyone has an eidetic memory and can breeze through year twelve."

Andrew on screen stands up straight and looks at his brother with a blank face, “Oh don't sell yourself   
short, brother dearest. You’d be doing fine with your boring normal brain if you hadn’t been high as a kite the last six years of your schooling.”

“Boys-” Nicky attempts again.

“Hey don't you throw that in my face! It’s not my fault I have a genetic predisposition for addiction.”

“Right, of course, nothing is your fault. It’s not like we have the same genes or anything, and I still have managed to not become a junkie”

Andrew feels Neil jerk at his nickname being said with such malice. He brushed his shoulder against his.

“Don't fucking talk to me like that! I'm not an idiot! I'm clean, I've signed up for pre-med; I'm making something of myself so stop looking down on me like you're so much better when you just got out of juvie.”

“Oh yeah, look at that progress. It’s not like that was my doing, getting you clean, and not like your college scholarship isn't purely because Wymack wanted me to help is pathetic excuse of a team that he had to bribe me-”

“Okay that's enough of that i think," real Nicky says awkwardly, as he ejects the tape.

Dan frowns, “Christ, Nicky you poor thing, how did you survive them? How are you still surviving them?” 

Allison pipes up in her obnoxiously loud voice before Nicky can answer, “Holy shit, I think that is the most I’ve ever heard Andrew speak and he spent the whole time roasting Aaron," then a considering look between Andrew and Neil, “Huh, maybe I get it now.” 

Aaron’s jaw is tense as if he’s holding back words and Andrew knows he’s struggling not to continue the same argument four years later. Kaitlyn is rubbing his hand that has become a fist.

Andrew can't find it in himself to care about this fight anymore, though he still agrees with all that he said. He knows by now that his brother doesn't listen to anyone but himself.

Nicky makes noise about finding a better one and how he thinks this one is christmas and “they were always on best behaviour for Christmas- well, for them anyway.”

The older Foxes joke about the "twin monsters being scared of getting coal." 

In reality, Andrew and Aaron could always see how Nicky longed for Germany during that holiday and were always worried he'd get fed up and leave them.

Neil leaned slightly back into him, not overstepping boundaries, but pressing back with his own weight.  
Andrew is distracted by the warmth of his skin, seeping through his ridiculously oversized shirt, and the annoyingly distracting way that the sun always made his hair light up copper at this time of day to realise which tape nickey was putting in until it was too late.

It wasn’t until he heard Nicky say, “Hold on, what’s this?” and Matthew’s “Whoa, is that Andrew or Aaron?” that he turned back to the screen and felt his stomach drop.

He could barely hear past the blood rushing through his ears to hear the announcer pronounce “Andrew Doe, the Elite Academy of Arts prodigy, lead dancer and choreographer of this performance.”  
There were excited whispers and tittered among the foxes scattered on the floor. Aaron and Neil send him confused looks.

Andrew feels an odd tingling in his hands and legs and has to make a conscious effort not to sway in his seat.

The dance began the way he remembered, the same way he remembered performing every step that day. 

One two three leap,

One two roundajone four.

One two three spin, 

Five six seven kick.

Andrew is only half aware that some of the people in the room give him a disbelieving look when his twelve year old self executes a needle before turning back to the screen.

One two three four,

Five six seven eight.

Other dancers enter the stage and they are all doing different things but look seamlessly connected like the cogs of one machine. He remembers watching this same video over and over the day after, feeling so proud of himself for creating something that was beautiful.

One two three four, 

Five six seven eight.

He remembers what the dance was about…

One two three four,

Who it was for…

Five six seven eight.

What it meant…

One two three four, 

Five six seven eight.

And finale. 

The foxes are quiet and still for a blissful moment before collectively drawing a breath to react.

They are interrupted by the second part of the video.

This time it is not a lit stage.

This time it’s of the Spear’s living room.

Andrew knows what comes next, is desperate to do something to stop them from seeing this, to stop himself from reliving this but he can barely convince himself to breathe let alone take action-  
Cass’ gentle voice is distorted from the shitty quality of the hand held camera.

“AJ, darling, would you come here for a second?”

He practically runs into the room, grinning crazily, not the drugged up grimace from his meds but something fiercely excited all due to the new piece of gold now hanging around his neck. 

Twelve year old Andrew is still wearing his dance costume, a black unitard with long sleeves. Andrew remembers that the material scratched at the cuts on his arms.

Andrew distantly notices his hair was longer back then.

“AJ, baby, sit down next to your brother, yeah?"

Younger Andrew’s smile stiffens for a second but he sits down, a respectable distance between them. He remembers Cass and Steven sitting on the other side of the camera practically vibrating with excitement.

“How was it baby?”

Andrews smile is beaming again and he swore he could feel his cheeks hurt even now, “Amazing, it all worked out, even the second sequence, it was all perfect! I mean, Natasha’s legs weren't perfectly straight one hundred percent of the time and Jake’s feet were almost never pointed but I suppose it’s the best i could ask for with sixteen year old's,” he said, as if he wasnt twelve himself, evidenced by the high voice.

“And you won!”

Twelve year old Andrew nodded, looking down, a rare blush staining his cheeks. He heard Nicky coo but it sounded very far away. 

‘Would you like to do it again next year?” Cass asked.

Andrews smile dimmed and he looked up from beneath his lashes, “Yes, if im still here.”

“Well, we wanted to talk to you about that.”

Andrew on screen was immediately on guard and obviously shutting down in expectancy of the worst.

“Are you happy here with us?”

There's a brief pause where his eyes flicker to Drake sitting next to him on the couch before he grinds out a 'yes' that’s almost inaudible. He's waiting for the "I'm sorry but…"

Cass’ voice is barely contained excitement, “Well then, how would you like to be Andrew Joseph Spear?”

There’s a pause in which Andrew is trying to figure out what those words mean and then double checking, triple checking that he heard it correctly, that he isn't misunderstanding, that this isn't a dream. 

That beautiful, warm, kind Cass wants him. Wants to keep him. 

Keep him forever.

“Oh,” he says, his face now devoid of a smile. But he's nodding, nodding even as his eyes, still babyish and too big on his face, start to fill with tears, “Yes.”

The rage that fills him gives him the strength to stand and stalk to the tv.

These people have no right to see this.

How dare they watch him like this, so weak.

He won’t let them see the next part where small tears turn into gross sobs and clutching hands at Cass’ shirt.

He himself doesn't want to see Drake’s 'brotherly' hug and doesn't want to remember what was whispered in his ear-

Andrew roughly hits the eject button, ignoring the “aww”s that accompany it and yanks the old battered tape all the way out before its ready. He thinks about throwing it out of the window but can’t because no matter how much it hurts him, no matter how much he hates it, this is still one of his fondest memories. 

He doesn't look at anyone, not even neil, as he walks out, tape clutched to his chest like it’s the tattered remains of his heart.


End file.
